From my previous posts, you may get the feeling that I am really enjoying my time in Savannah. The more accurate statement is that I am enjoying my time in my apartment, which happens to be in Savannah. I've mentioned this before, but I have been putting off really exploring my new home time, or meeting people outside of work. I've felt like I just haven't had the time or the energy to make that effort.
Well, here's the truth of the matter: I'm scared. Not like the creepy, air-mask-wearing, looking-over-my-shoulder scared. More like the been-battered-and-bruised-and-don't-want-to-go-there-again scared. I'm afraid to start making new friends that will only end up hurting me or going away. I know this is unproductive, at best. I know that not making new friends or losing friends still leaves me in the same place: spending every night alone with my dog.
What's really frustrating is that I have never been the kind of person to hesitate about meeting new people. I have always been one to go to events, join groups, talk to strangers. But lately (and by lately, I mean the last 7 months) I just haven't have it in me to make that contact.
This weekend I had, what I believe will be, the last conversation with my recent ex. After I broke up with him and moved to GA, I humored his desire to stay in my life and be my friend. I hadn't given it a lot of thought since I rarely heard from him, but I finally realized why I was hanging on to this relationship that wasn't really a friendship so much as a continuation of his self-centeredness: I was hoping to find some redeeming shred of proof that I didn't waste two years of my life waiting for him to become a person of integrity. Needless to say, I've given up. He can continue to lie to himself and others all he wants. It's not my problem anymore (and, in hindsight, I should have realized that it never was).
So after getting that off my plate, and spending a great weekend with my Dad, and spending some quality time with a very dear friend who was passing through town, I got to feeling a little bit stronger. My friend has been dealing with some difficult relationship issues of his own, and it felt really good to be able to be supportive instead of the one needing support. I felt somehow recharged, reminded of the things that I have to offer.
After a lunch meeting with my boss, I finally got around to stopping by the Savannah Bee Company. I've been wanting to go in there for months, but always made excuses. This time I had to walk right past it to get to my car, so there was no good reason not to stop. There was a great honey bee quilt hanging on the wall and I struck up a conversation with the girl working the register. Ends up that she's a knitter, so I gave her my card and said I'd love to get together and share knitting tips. I don't know if we'll ever actually hang out, but it felt really good to just make that connection. I left the store with a bit more of a bounce in my step and my head sticking just a little further out of my shell.
1 comment:
Yea!!!
And by the way, I would always describe you as the supportive one. Even when you are going through a rough time, you are never draining. You always give as much as you take, if not a lot more.
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